Do we need to stop being such pushovers? Get in the habit of questioning the motives of others before we buy whatever they're saying or selling?
Certainly we do. Look around you. Evil exists. It's all human based. And we don't seem to be controlling it very well.
Which means that — since you and I are both human — then first off — and even more importantly — we need to develop the habit of questioning our own motives.
The brighter the light, the darker the shadow. Each of us has some part of our personality that is hidden from us. Parents, and teachers in general, urge us to develop the light side of the personality — move into well-lit subjects such as mathematics and geometry — and to become successful. The dark part then becomes starved. What do we do then? –Robert Bly, A Little Book on the Human Shadow
Projection of shadow material causes most of the misery, injustice and warfare in the world. –Robert Bly
Learning to integrate shadow material is the single most important task facing mankind, as failure to do so will lead to the extinction of the human race. –Carl Jung
The stories we tell about ourselves shape our lives.
We build a psychic structure out of life stories, just like a carpenter builds a physical structure out of wood, and then we live inside that structure. "House," in dream analysis, stands for "the psychic space you're inhabiting."
The stories we tell about ourselves — our psychic structures — can be thoughtfully built over time, with an eye toward getting to the real truth of each situation. We can keep an eye out for leaks or weaknesses, and get to work repairing damage whenever we find it. In which case our psychic structures will be level and plumb, and will grow stronger with age, will settle solidly into themselves, so to speak.
Or the stories we tell about ourselves — our psychic structures — can be hastily assembled out of whatever comes to hand, more with an eye toward making an impression than with a regard for what really happened. We can paint over any problems or failures, just slap the story together instead of building it consciously, in which case our psychic structures won't be "on the level," but will be rickety and out of plumb; will grow more dangerous, more unstable, with each passing year.
Here's the bitter truth about being human: we all lie.
All we can do is try to figure out when we're lying and cut it out. (And, in self-defense, try to become more aware of when other people are lying to us. Try to be forgiving of each circumstance, without becoming susceptible to either.)
Building a sound psychic structure — a true life story — is a long process, a never-ending process. Because there's a shadow hard at work all the time within each of us trying to prove how innocent we are and how guilty everyone else is. The process is amazingly powerful and completely automatic. It's the ego's first, best and oldest line of defense.
Accepting and dealing with the falsehood in one's own heart has never been easy. And now, perhaps, has never been harder. We've reached some sort of crisis of untruthfulness. We seem to be approaching the acme of falsehood, collectively. We know the vast majority of people who appear in the news every day aren't even trying to be truthful. They're only trying to look cool, win points, gain power… and they're the famous ones, the "heroes" among us.
The macro reflecting the micro.
Karl Marlantes' new book, What It Is Like To Go To War, is astounding. He was already being halied for Matterhorn, one of the best books ever written about being "in country" in Vietnam, and this book is even better than Matterhorn.
Because not only does Marlantes tell us what it's like to go to war in this book, he tells us what we need to do for those returning from war, to help them re-enter and re-adjust to civilian life.
"Those I call evil are utterly dedicated to preserving their self-image of perfection. They are unceasingly engaged in the effort to maintain the appearance of moral purity. They worry about this a great deal. They are acutely sensitive to social norms and what others might think of them. They dress well, go to work on time, and outwardly seem to live lives that are above reproach.
The words "image," "appearance," and "outwardly" are crucial to understanding the morality of the evil. While they seem to lack any motivation to be good, they intensely desire to appear to be good. Their "goodness" is on a level of pretense. It is, in effect, a lie… a lie designed not so much to deceive others as to deceive themselves."
–M. Scott Peck, PEOPLE OF THE LIE, Toward a Psychology of Evil
Uncertainty is an uncomfortable position.
But certainty is an absurd one.
–Voltaire
Overheard this line as I walked through the kitchen, which was coming from the tail end of a program on NPR. Unfortunately I can't tell you the name of the program, because I just caught the very last line:
Hate has more to do with you than with them.
And it kept running through my mind today as I walked through the woods.
Hate has more to do with us than with them…
Yeah. Exactly. That's the whole point here.
Admitting your ego casts a shadow so you can start to deal with its consequences.
Beginning to realize that the real enemies lie within.
The only devils in the world are those running around in our own hearts.
That is where the battle should be fought.
–Mahatma Gandhi
A person who doesn't want to change themselves can't afford to acknowledge the changes that other people make. Particularly hard changes, soul changes, positive changes. On a sub-conscious level, it's just too threatening. Oh my gosh! If they can change, that means I could, too!
If we fear change ourselves for some reason — from a narrow and biased upbringing, or from love of the staqus quo, or from sheer spiritual laziness — we pigeon-hole another person early on So-and-so is like this, and then spend the rest of our lives trying not to let that particular pigeon out of the cage we've constructed for it in our minds. Even if it turns into a swan or an eagle or a phoenix right before our eyes.
You see it all the time in families. You see it all the time in politics.
We accuse the other person (or the other party) of acting the way they did 20 years ago or 30 years ago or 40 years ago, rather than making an honest effort to see how they're acting right now.
Wonder what this world would be like if we let one another change, if we let one another grow.
[http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2SU5FSvi_QM]
Hate has a lot in common with love… that fixation on the other… We each have a muttering monster living in our hearts who is not going to stop muttering about others until we really listen to what he has to say.
Illustrations by Bob Hobbs, from Shadow in the USA