My husband is a contractor, so he gets to deal with people who want something from him 'yesterday' on a daily basis. The other day David got a snippy, snooty email message — not a call, not a drop-in visit at the building site, but an email, of course — from one of his clients, telling him to please "focus" and get his job finished immediately.

Now, bear in mind that this same client changed the entire "focus" of the job himself by adding a bathroom to the project. In other words, by more than doubling the amount of work he originally contracted with David to do, after he contracted with David to do it. "Oh! Let's put a bathroom in down there, too!"

But the client couldn't see his own part in creating a problem. All he could see was his own impatience with the result. And all he could think of to do about that impatience was speak to David — via electronic device, of course — as if David were a complete idiot who'd been wasting his time.

Is life in the US becoming one long warlike video game? And are there really only two ways to play the game now, only two strategies for winning: 1) attack or  2) avoidance?

it is hard to gain experience in polite discussion. In parlay and trade-off. We don't have to talk to others very often anymore, especially if we disagree with them. We are so well entertained now — hunkered down in the privacy of our own homes — that we spend most of our free time alone. Hell, we spend most of our work time alone. A computer monitor is not another person. How many jobs these days require the development of diplomacy and/or tact in interpersonal relationships? Versus how many jobs require simply getting one-up on the competition no matter what it takes…?

So maybe it's no surprise that the same thing is happening in personal communication as has already happened when we get behind the wheels of our cars: you can be as selfish as you want, you can project as much blame as you want, you can attack, you can bend the rules, and you do not have to reach a compromise, because you are not really in contact with other people. They can't hit back right away. They are sealed off in their little spaceships of plastic and steel, and you are sealed off in yours.

Similarly, we have developed ways of "speaking" to others or about others, without being anywhere near others. That's what I'm doing right now, with this blog piece, by the way…  I am sealed off, by myself, here in my office, talking to my computer screen about someone else's behavior.

Dangerous.

Dangerous to be developing so many ways of attacking, so many ways of avoiding, while not developing very many ways of arriving at mannerly agreements.